Unfinished Magdalene

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart

you, God, will not despise.  Psalm 51:17

あなたはいけにえを好まれません。たといわたしが§祭をささげても／あなたは喜ばれないでしょう。

~*~

I never finished this one.  I decided to use a regular pencil on this one because I wanted to get more detail in the face and eyes.  I wanted to capture the desperation and longing in Mary Magdalene's heart.  Sometimes we just want Jesus it give us a hand up off the ground.  

I took the picture from a screenshot of Monica Bellucci in The Passion of the Christ.  Somehow she ended up looking like Liv Tyler instead.  Which is not bad either.  But I never got around to finishing it.  This isn't a very good picture of it because it's fuzzy and the angle makes it look distorted.

Forest Fire

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through fire, you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.  Isaiah 43:2

あなたが水の中を過ぎるとき、わたしはあなたと共におる。川の中を過ぎるとき、水はあなたの上にあふれることがない。あなたが火の中を行くとき、焼かれることもなく、炎もあなたに燃えつくことがない。

~*~

There's a very interesting God story behind this picture.  One day while sitting in my apartment, I asked God, "What should I draw today?"  For some reason, I thought of a forest fire.  So I drew it.  What came to mind was an article I once read on forest fires.  It said that even after the fire is over and the forest has been burned down, there are some plants that manage to grow.  That those plants actually grow BECAUSE of the forest fire.  They grow in those special conditions.  I was inspired by the idea of growth and new, stronger life after destruction.

The day after I completed this drawing, I attended the HIM Conference (Hawaiian Island Ministries Conference).  At the conference I attended a workshop on spiritual oppression.  It was hard to choose this workshop because there were so many good ones that I also wanted to check out.  Also, my own pastor was holding a Holy Spirit workshop in the very next room.  Ultimately, I decided for the spiritual oppression.  The workshop was led by a woman (whose name I can't remember).  But in order to illustrate the nature of spiritual oppression, she used the picture of a forest fire.  Over and over again.  It was incredible timing.  Immediately after she spoke about forest fires, she brought up a friend to share her testimony.  The woman was the daughter of a former pastor, who had sexually abused her as a child.  She spoke of the battles she faced in her head and in life, about the spiritual healing that took place in her life, and about how painful all of it was, including the healing.

Afterwards, I was blown away by everything that had just happened.  The forest fire image immediately after I had just drawn the forest fire.  The woman's story that was similar to my childhood and also reflected the journey I was going on at that time.  A journey of spiritual healing.  When it was over I wanted to go up to the women to speak with them and also share about my picture that I had just drawn.  Unfortunately, there were so many people that I didn't get my chance.

Well, the next morning was Sunday morning.  I went to Bluewater service as usual.  My pastor spoke about the conference and gave his sermon as usual.  Then at the very end he pulled up his friend, the same woman who had given the workshop!  She gave a prophetic word about prophecy and a picture of ears, and told anyone to come up if they thought it might be them.  Well, immediately after she gave her word, I felt my eyes start to perk up and burn at the same time.  I thought this was a perfect opportunity to go up to her.  So, I did.  

I went up to her and told her I wasn't sure if the prophetic word was meant for me, but told her about the sensation in my ears.  Immediately after I said it, she said to me, "I can see it on you!"  She prayed for me and for the gift of prophecy.  After she finished praying, I told her that I had attended her workshop and mentioned my drawing.  Luckily, I had taken a picture of my drawing on my phone and had it handy.  When I showed it to her, she was so amazed and asked that I send it to her.  Which I did.  

I guess her word of prophecy for me was pretty accurate after all.

Sparrow

This little bird has been through lonely deserts, through barbed wire, hurts, and trial.  It's been hungry and tired.  But has found somewhere safe to land just for a moment's rest.  It has a story to tell.  To sing.  If anyone will listen.  Though such a small creature, it has a powerful voice.  HE is watching over little us and never gives up on us.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?

Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.

Indeed, the very hairs on your head are numbered.

Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  Matthew 10:29-31

二羽のすずめは一アサリオンで売られているではないか。しかもあなたがたの父の許しがなければ、その一羽も地に落ちることはない。
またあなたがたの頭の毛までも、みな数えられている。
それだから、恐れることはない。あなたがたは多くのすずめよりも、まさった者である。

~*~

I drew this with a ballpoint pen at a camp retreat in the early summer of 2011.  I remember this weekend vividly.  I was going through a bout of depression.  God had suddenly turned off.  I couldn't hear Him.  Couldn't see Him.  Couldn't feel Him.  I felt complete darkness.  And I freaked out.  I spiraled and I cried for hours in bed.  I was also struggling with Aaron.  We hit our fighting stage in the relationship and without God, I couldn't make sense of anything.  

Aaron tried to help me by taking him on his church's camp retreat.  But I still wanted to be left alone.  I didn't want people.  I wanted God.  I spent a lot of the retreat sitting on the sand at the beach.  Looking at the ocean.  Waiting for God to speak.  Finally, at the last night, the song "His Eye is on the Sparrow" came into my head.  I scribbled this picture of the little bird on the fence.

Finally, after that long weekend.  I heard Him.  I could rest.

The Horse

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;
the LORD delights in him who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love.  Psalm 147:10-11

主は馬の力を喜ばれず、人の足をよみせられない。
主はおのれを恐れる者と／そのいつくしみを望む者とをよみせられる。

~*~

I was inspired to draw this after a Sunday service at Bluewater.  Katie Small, an extremely talented prophetic artist, painted a picture of a horse one Sunday.  She explained that horses start out as wild mustangs.  Then, they're broken in.  Broken.  After that, they're trained to become racehorses, farm horses, war horses, you name it.  They're incredibly strong, powerful, and useful animals.  In the same way, God will break us so that we can be used mightily one day.  But breaking can often hurt.  We just have to remember that God has a great and mighty plan for us.  

This is something that I really related to.  Especially during the years of 2010 and 2011, I felt that God was really breaking me down.  I was going through spiritual surgery.  And it really really hurt.  The picture of the horse gave me hope that when it was all over, I would be stronger because of it.  And that God would use me for His glory.

Love.

No greater love has one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.  John 15:13

人がその友のために自分の命を捨てること、これよりも大きな愛はない。

~*~

After high school, I started experimenting with charcoal for several months.  But after my first semester in college, I lost interest in drawing.  I didn't see it as practical.  I wanted to learn something more useful to society.  Especially after becoming a Christian, I abandoned it altogether.  Drawing was something I did as teenager when I was depressed or bored out of my mind.  But after a long hiatus, I finally picked up the charcoal again in 2010.

This drawing of Jesus came rather spontaneously.  I was writing in my journal, talking to Jesus.  I must have been distressed and crying out to him.  Words couldn't express how much I wanted and needed him in my heart.  So I drew it.  I took out my old tools from years before and just went crazy in my notebook.  This is the end product.

Afterwards, I decided to show Aaron.  It was the first time I'd drawn anything in over 7 years.  He had no idea I could draw.  When I showed him, it looked like his eyes were gonna pop out of his head.  It was pretty funny.  But he couldn't believe how good I was and was really excited.  He kept wanting to show it to everyone.  After that, I decided to keep drawing spontaneously in my journal.  It was my way of expressing myself to God.  I can't sing or play the guitar.  I'm not a shouter during worship service.  But THIS I can do for God.

The Orphan

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.   Matthew 5:6

義に飢えかわいている人たちは、さいわいである、彼らは飽き足りるようになるであろう。

~*~

This was the last drawing I did in high school.  I took it from a tiny little picture that was from a PSA in a magazine.  One of those asking you to be a sponsor for a poor child in Latin America or the Philippines.  I blew it up with my imagination and added some things.  I ended up entering this drawing in a contest.  It won.

Watercolor Rose

He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  Ecclesiastes 3:11

神のなされることは皆その時にかなって美しい。神はまた人の心に永遠を思う思いを授けられた。それでもなお、人は神のなされるわざを初めから終りまで見きわめることはできない。

~*~

This painting has a story to it.  I've always only ever drawn with pencil.  But in my senior year of high school, my art teacher suggested I try something new.  She gave me a set of Crayola watercolors and a paintbrush.  The cheap kind.  I went back to my secret workshop and started painting away.  My original painting was of waterlilies on a pond.  

Unfortunately, it was such a mess.  I showed the painting to my teacher.  It just wasn't coming out right.  I had never worked with watercolor before and didn't know how to control the medium.  She shook her head, showed me how to move the water and paint, and gave me a new paintbrush.  It was her own paintbrush, a real one that probably cost a lot of money.  

I went back to my secret workshop and started a new painting.  This time, I chose something a little less ambitious.  A simple rose.  Slowly but surely, it came together.  The new, expensive brush really helped.  I also took my time.  When I draw, my strokes are usually quite rushed.  But with watercolor, you need patience.  It took me a rather long time to complete this.  But when I did, my teacher was so impressed.  She said, "You know, it's not always about the end product.  Sometimes you try something and it doesn't work out.  It's not a failure.  It's a stepping stone.  Your first painting was a stepping stone to this one.  And this is just wonderful."